First of all, this week was insane! Midterms completely threw off my daily routine and I think I am finally getting caught up. On a normal day, I wake up brush my teeth, take a shower, get ready to go to work, go to the Union, class, and then back to the house for more work. I pretty much do the same thing every weekday almost ritualistic. This week was a bit of an exception with midterms, papers, and projects along with the crazy schedule. Yesterday, when I woke up, I hit the alarm clock 6 times! Usually I get in the habit of only hitting it once or maybe twice, but yesterday was horrible and completely destroyed my routine.
In fraternities, we have LOTS of "routines" too. Some of these routines are great--they keep us value-oriented and on track. Just like brushing our teeth "the same way and in the same order" every morning, these routines occur with little thought and are consistent from day-to-day; year-to-year; and even decade-to-decade. My guess is that this is a shared mutual experience that I have with all of YOU. You all brush your teeth in the morning right? This morning routine is a lot like our fraternity and sorority "routine". The brand of toothpaste may change over time as improvements are made and preferences demand modifications--but it essentially stays exactly the same.
My fraternity ritual has changed significantly over the years, yet it has stayed exactly the same. As my fraternity has undergone its merger with FarmHouse Intl. our ritual has been added to significantly. We still keep out local ritual which makes us unique here at Ohio State. FarmHouse publishes its ritual online, while the ATZ (chapter) keeps ours locked securely in our safe. The questions is: do I think this ritual makes our fraternity what it is? The answer: yes and no.
I think it's great that fraternities have secrets. Those secrets are a shared mutual experience that is only between brothers and bonds them together and distinguishes them from others. Let's talk about the friends we have outside of our fraternities for a minute. I have secrets with my friends (contrary to the saying "secrets don't make friends"). It's not those secrets that make me friends with them though. What makes me friends with my closest friends is all the shared experiences and stories we have together and knowing each other almost as well as we know ourselves. That's what friendships are all about.
While I do believe that fraternity secrets are an element of shared experiences that unite individuals-- I don't believe it's the only key to fraternalism. My fraternity has its share of secrets. I don't think that's what makes us a good fraternity though. What makes us a good fraternity is that we work well as a team and at the end of the day, we all committed ourselves to a shared system of values. Don't let this beautiful image of fraternity fool you though. The fraternity is not an environment where we all sit around the campfire and sing Koom-Bya either. We have our disagreements--if we didn't, there would be any need for the vote or even meetings for that matter. Just like friends arguing over what restaurants to go to, we fight over things like parties, rules, requirements, dues, apparel, etc. This is what relationships are all about.
There are MANY fraternities that have partial or even ALL their ritual published online. I don't think that sharing those rituals is a bad thing though. In my opinion it's just a different approach to Fraternity than the traditional. Personally, I like that my fraternity has its secrets--but it's not what makes us a fraternity though.
Whether a fraternity claims to be free of secrets or not, I guarantee there are secrets... It might not be about the ritual, initiations, or secret handshake, but there are secrets nonetheless. Whether its a biggest fear of a brother or an out-of-this-world dream that someone had--all people have secrets. For more understanding on the importance of "knowing information that others don't" watch this video on how to develop deeper and deeper relationships (kinda boring, but it gives a pretty basic overview): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FcoyU5VtHY
The interesting thing about social penetration, is that the more you know about a person, the closer you are to them. Why do we love our parents as much as we do? It's all about social penetration and shared mutual experiences. That's what brings us together... While secrets can play a role, it's not the defining factor for Fraternities.
SO what does this all mean? It means different things to different fraternities.
